The Problem with At Least…

“At least they’re trying”

When my client said that about the man she was dating, I knew we had a problem.

He was buying her flowers. Taking her to nice restaurants. Consistently texting and calling. And yet, she didn’t feel a connection.

That’s because effort alone isn’t enough.

What intrigued me even more was her reason for continuing to entertain him despite knowing something felt off.

Her answer?

“At least they’re trying.”

I’ve seen it happen time and time again. Women who give so much in relationships that they leave none of that energy for themselves. Over-givers. Women who mistake effort for compatibility and attention for love.

The Over-Giver’s Cycle

It starts small. A breadcrumb that feels like a full-course meal. A little bit of effort that becomes the reason to stay, even when deeper needs aren’t met.

The cycle goes like this:

Phase 1: Someone shows interest, pursues, and gives attention.

Phase 2: The woman gets hooked and idealizes the potential future of the relationship.

Phase 3: Her focus shifts to making the relationship work, even when it’s imbalanced.

Phase 4: She slowly loses herself in the dynamic.

Phase 5: The relationship ends, leaving her drained, full of resentment, and questioning her worth, while the other person walks away unscathed.

And with each disappointment, she starts to wonder:

“Maybe I’m just not cut out for love.”

“Maybe no one will ever appreciate the effort I give.”

“Have I even given them the space to prove themselves”

But I want to challenge that thinking. And it starts with stopping whenever you say, “At least.”

The Bare Minimum Isn’t Enough

Because at the very least, someone interested in you will show you interest and give you attention. But a relationship cannot survive on that alone.

Women who over-give are usually not women who are used to receiving. When someone shows up for them, even in the smallest way, they finally feel seen.

And that’s where the imbalance begins.

They give their time. Their resources. Their love and energy. They pour and pour, without boundaries, because giving feels natural to them.

Without realizing it, they leave no space to receive. They take full responsibility for the relationship, while their partner simply coasts along.

And depending on who they’re dealing with, they’re either:

A. Giving to someone who doesn’t mind taking.

B. Giving to someone who doesn’t know how to level the scales.

Either way, by the time they realize how much they’ve overextended themselves, they’re too deep in to easily walk away. They’ve spent months trying to make something work, without ever stopping to ask:

“Is this the right relationship for me?”

“Does this person actually meet my needs?”

“Have I even given them the space to prove themselves?”

The Root of Over-Giving

Women who over-give aren’t weak. They aren’t desperate.

But many of them have spent their entire lives being the ones others relied on. Maybe they were the ones everyone had to count on growing up. Maybe their needs were never prioritized.

So when someone gives them anything, it feels like everything.

And that’s why boundaries matter.

Because your heart deserves more than the very least.